Something Smells Funny...

I work with a fairly new guy who's originally from Brazil. He speaks REALLY good English, but there truly are many things "lost in translation" with him. Usually, we get a good laugh from some of the stuff he says, and he'll laugh with us, of course. Monday night, he said the funniest thing I may have ever heard... but first, a little background:

One of my co-workers, Angela, recently came back from maternity leave. Angela used to commute from Logan, and driving through Sardine Canyon can be risky with all the wildlife. Angela apparently has a built-in homing device for wild animals and has turned just about every native Utah species into roadkill. And I'm not making that up - there was a morning she came to work with deer fur embedded in the side of her car from a fatal run-in with Bambi. She still hasn't lived that one down. She also has this horrible, yet hilariously ridiculous story she tells about running over a family of cats. Yes, I said FAMILY. Apparently, the momma cat and the kittens were trying to cross the road, and along came Angela, so of course, kittens went flying everywhere and Angela was horrified and upset. And she has TONS more stories involving things like porcupines, or even one story when she hit herself with her own car and broke her collarbone... We're constantly teasing her about it. So, getting to the point, to welcome her back from maternity leave, we decorated her office with all kinds of crazy stuff that reminds us of her. I found some sweet clipart of a smashed up car and a bunch of different cats and hung it up on her wall for everyone to see the reinactment of the family of cats incident.

So, as we're doing this, one of the other girls and I are talking to my Brazilian co-worker about all these stories about what animals Angela's killed with her car, etc. He's heard some of them before, so he jumps in with, "Yeah, I heard about the time she hit a SKANK."

Silence.

We burst into hysterics. "Do you mean SKUNK?" I asked him. "Because a SKANK is something entirely different."

"Oh, yeah, those two are always confusing me, SKUNK and SKANK," he replies.

And then, it gets even better. Apparently the Brazilian used to work in some cubicle-farm office, so he tells us a story from when he worked there. He said he came into the office one day and something smelled bad, so he said "Man, it smells like a SKANK in here." And apparently everyone overheard... LOL.

I'm still laughing about it...

Evidence of the Ever-Decreasing Intelligence of the Average Person

Retail management brings it's share of surprises, since dealing with the general public is always unpredictable because people are CRAZY. Got a complaint today from a customer who was horrified that the cashier "licked her fingers" to separate the bags (those things stick together somethin' fierce). She then proceeded to rant and rave about how she didn't want to get salmonella from the cashier's saliva and how it can spread all kinds of disease and how next time she'll yell at the top of her lungs in the store if it happens again. She claimed it happened 9 out of 10 times she visited my store and Harmons, yet didn't bother to take down a name and refused to "single anyone out" when I asked her who it was. This is what I deal with on a daily basis...

First of all, CRAZY LADY, salmonella is spread through eating or touching contaiminated FOOD. Not through people's saliva. Bag lickin' cashiers, while really gross and completely unacceptable, are NOT going to give you salmonella unless they rub their hands around in contaminated raw chicken and then you EAT the plastic bag they touched. Allow a wikipedia reference here:

The type of salmonella usually associated with infections in humans is called Non-Typhoidal Salmonella. It is usually contracted by ingesting raw or undercooked eggs, or from sources such as:
- Poultry, pork, and cattle, if the meat is prepared incorrectly or somehow becomes infected with the bacteria.
- Infected eggs and milk, as well as egg products, when not prepared, handled, or refrigerated properly.
- Reptiles such as turtles, lizards, and snakes, as they can carry the bacteria on their skin.
- Pet rodents

And really, do you need to call and complain about something like that? Have some balls and tell the cashier if you are a germaphobe, or call the supervisor over so they can address it. Calling two days later to tell give some vague details about this "potential epidemic" (her words, not mine) isn't going to help anyone solve it.

So, I beg you customers of retail stores everywhere: I cannot help you if you won't tell me who did it. If you care that much, you'll spill. It's not like they would EVER know it was you. AND IF YOU ARE GOING TO COMPLAIN, CHECK YOUR FRIGGIN' FACTS FIRST!